MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN. With a title like Midnight Meat Train, I was hoping for a little softcore action, but no, it wasn’t to be (sadly, the filmmakers chose a different direction to go in). No. No. No. No. No. What we have here is an OK movie that might have received a theatrical release with a different title. Course the stupid ending doesn’t help, and the film could definitely do with a little more, shall we say, female meat. Lucky for Midnight Meat Train, they don’t grade movies like they do meat, ’cause no way is this thing getting the USDA Choice Prime rating. It’s more like ground chuck–a day or two from expiration. Still…I’m in!
MADEA GOES TO JAIL. Tyler Perry again. Why this guy’s so popular, I don’t know. I’d rather see a Willy Tyler and Lester movie. That would be great. A ventriloquist dummy in jail! What would happen if they sent Lester to the electric chair? Does Lester sit in the chair or Willy? Maybe there’d be a jailbreak, and the cons could whittle Lester into a wooden arsenal of fake guns. As awful as my Willy Tyler and Lester movie sounds, it would still be better than Madea Goes to Jail. If you ask me, Tyler Perry should get a life sentence for making this lame-ass movie. I’m out!
COLLEGE. Nothing. Absolutely nothing is worse in films than an excruciatingly unfunny, teenage fat guy. Even more unbelievable is that he gets his nut off with a big, blonde college babe. Come on. Even stupid unbelievable movies have to be based on some kind of reality. I’m out on this movie, and I’m outta here like sweat off a fat guy!