Da Man’s Fun Size Review

ASTRO BOY.  Hey, I can understand wanting to replace your dead son with a robot.  You’re a futuristic Geppetto, you got the smarts and the tech to do it, knock yourself out.  But I gotta say, if I’m the one responsible for deep-sixing my kid (even if it was an accident), I might not equip his robot replacement with hands that turn into blasters and machine guns that pop out of his butt.  I mean, let’s face it, dad’s pretty much the one proven threat the kid might have.  So if it’s me designing the robot, I’d lose the anal hardware and stick with the jets in the feet.

Here’s something else I’ll let you in on:  when it comes to energy sources, I don’t know a gamma ray from a dilithium crystal.  Hell, I’m pretty vague on the whole Flux capacitor thing.  But in Astro Boy, it’s all pretty simple.  Blue Core energy:  good.  Red Core energy: bad.  If you’re a dog or happen to be color blind, this might be a problem, otherwise, it’s all you need to know.

One last thing.  Back when “Da Man” was “Da Kid” (we’re talking early 60s here), there were actually Helms Bakery trucks that drove around the city and sold bread–right out the back of the truck.  No foolin’.  That’s how my friend and neighbor got his bread every week.  One time, as a promotional gimmick, Helm’s offered a 45 single with the Astro Boy theme song on it.  Damn, how I envied my friend that record!  At 8 years old, I thought the Astro Boy song was a rockin’ tune.

All right,  enough with the memory lane stuff.  What about the Astro Boy movie–is it the greatest thing since sliced bread?  Hardly.  But I gotta admit, I have a sentimental soft spot for it.  I’m in!

At last, I can listen to the Astro Boy song without having to buy any of that Helm’s Bakery stuff.  Speaking for myself, I was always a Wonderbread kid anyway.


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